The Happiness Index

Chapter One

Introduction

The happiness index is a self analysis tool that assists people to identify their level of happiness, why they are at that level, how to progress to a higher level and how to prevent regression to a lower level. It started off as a fun tool to discuss with friends and family about happiness. Further reading has drawn me deeper into this subject and to draw on empirical studies from Europe and the USA, studies and observations from different faith leaders, as well as the anecdotal evidence collected during discussion. It is not a definitive academic piece of work on happiness, it is more my thoughts on the subject resulting from reading and reflecting. I share it with you to stimulate thought and hopefully discussion. If I’m really lucky, reading this might even help you.

In it’s most basic format the happiness index may be used as a simple measuring stick to see where you currently sit on a scale of zero-ten. Zero being the lowest and ten the highest. To score zero on the chart you will probably feel very dissatisfied with your life, you will have become numb to experiencing those little moments of pleasure that can brighten your day. You will not be sociable have little contact with others and feel that life is just not worth it. You will look at others and what started as envy of other peoples happiness has now turned you to disliking those that you once were in contact with. You are quick to pick out the fault in others. People generally annoy you. Life here is pretty desperate, heavy and grim. Moreover, you may even find yourself stood atop a high rise building ready to jump (read this first though, it might help). Moving onto the other end of this scale; you are deliriously happy, nothing in your life can be improved (a debatable point for later on), you see pleasure and joy in everything, you have no stress, you might even be on medication to assist this feeling of exquisite, mind bending delirium.

At a more complex level it will assist the reader to analyse their level of happiness, understand why they are there and what aspects of their life contribute to the residence of that current level.

I’m going to start this at a basic level and we will build up the complexity as we progress together. First of all take a few moments to answer the following questions; what makes you happy? What makes you sad? Are happiness and sadness diametrically opposed? Is there a difference between happiness and pleasure?

Studies in the USA have repeatedly found that the people that are less sociable, more critical are generally less happy. Their social skills are less developed, often not knowing when to contribute effectively to a conversation, they might feel awkward or they may just be clumsy. People that consider themselves strongly independent, not relying on others also report feelings of unhappiness and extended periods of loneliness. I’ve just added in another dimension, loneliness. Loneliness and unhappiness have been strongly linked throughout many studies. Humans after all are social animals, we are socially programmed to find that one special person to be intimate with and share all our magical moments making beautiful memories to reflect on later in life. Many high powered executive and people that would be classed as workaholics tend to fall into this category.

Intimacy of course takes many forms and people that regularly share intimate moments with friends through social intercourse, those people who are more open and share more often report higher levels of happiness. Conversely, those that constantly search for that one person to share all the good stuff with, those that continually internet date, meeting date after date and never really being satisfied or settling down are not the same.

Having intimate moments such as sex is different to regularly sharing your intimate innermost feelings. Sex and other briefly satisfying moments do not themselves bring happiness, they tend to bring pleasure. Pleasure, for the purposes of this index, can be considered as briefer than happiness. There are those that have a pleasure/pain relationship through having sex with different partners, wanting desperately to be wanted and afterwards feeling low levels of self worth. Thus seeking brief pleasure again soon to be followed by feelings of regret and low self esteem, thus the cycle goes on and on. You can see here that pleasure and happiness is easily differentiated.

Can you feel happy and sad at the same time? This will of course vary from person to person. Often sadness is linked to the loss of a loved one or general feelings of loss. In time often the feelings of sadness changes and lightens. Sometimes, after a period of time, we might look back with fondness at the times spent with those or that which we have lost. Time is after all a great healer. Experiencing loss does not always alter our levels of happiness permanently. Sadness may come in many different forms and is regularly reported as being temporary in nature. It is possible to be at a level of happiness whilst experiencing sadness. It is possible to be both happy and sad simultaneously. Quite often people describe happiness and sadness as strange bedfellows.

Think for a moment of something that makes you feel sad. Does this change you general state of being irrevocably? Now think of something that makes you feel happy. Does this change you general state of being? I would argue no to both. Generally we are at a level of happiness and that level has the capacity to absorb general changes of mood for a period of time. We are where we are but how did we get there?

When discussing the happiness index once, the person I was discussing it with described themselves at level four and stated their reasons for being there. They went onto add that people at higher levels were lucky or did not experience the same hardships as them. This got me thinking about my own level. Why am I at the level I currently occupy? On reflection I can recall times of hardship, pain, regret, sorrow and loss. Why has this not shaped me to be a lower level? Is it just that my happier moments are more current? Or that my happier moments outweigh my sadder moments? No is the answer to both of those questions. My happiness is a culmination of years of planning, saving, working, sacrifice, learning and self development. European studies find that often happiness is a state achieved after years of planning for and working towards a target. This is notable in retired people who, after a period of adjustment find a sense of contentment.

Do we have a right to be happy? Of course we do. We are all searching for it in its various forms. It is often right in front of us, it is all around us. Happiness requires discipline. Studies in neuroscience evidence the relationship between brain function and happiness states. Evidence suggests that we can train our brains to release chemicals that lead to experiencing feelings of happiness. We can release these ‘happy chemicals by practicing the disciplines that bring about permanent changes in brain behaviour. The brain’s plasticity supports growth and development of skills; musicians, linguists and drivers have all developed skills that have altered the operating levels of their brains. Happiness is no different. If we are searching for it then we have a duty to ourselves to find it. We are duty bound to be happy and in turn assist other to feel the same but the responsibility of our own happiness is ours and ours alone.

Place yourself on a scale of zero to ten. Now ask yourself why you are there. What will it take for you to progress to the next level? What will plunge you to a lower level? What will it take for you to stay where you are? Now ask yourself where do you want to be and what will it take to get you there? Later we will discuss simple tools and approaches that can assist us in experiencing and maintaining higher levels of happiness.

 

Chapter two

Anchors in the past

I was asked a very interesting question once in an interview for a more senior position in another organisation.

“How will you deal with the baggage from you current organisation?”

My current organisation was what I would describe as a sick organisation;  it had a culture of conflict, backstabbing, a lot of industrial unrest and dispute.  It was a hard place to learn your trade as a manager, conflict was a daily occurrence, as was rudeness and disrespect.

Back then I realised that working in such an environment leaves you with a some choices.  You can change the culture, accept the way things are, adapt and become part of it, fight the way things are and increase the conflict many fold, or leave and look for personal and professional growth.  There were many other options but I didn’t see them at that time.

Back to the question; why was that question so interesting and why has it stuck with me some fifteen years later?  To me, at the time it indicated that the interviewer viewed tough experiences as ‘something to get over and move on’.  I had a very different view back then and do more so today. My mind raced, how do I answer this in a way that I do not disengage the interviewer? The answer came to me in a moment of inspiration.

“One person’s baggage is another person’s experience”.

What we experience in life invariably shapes the way we see the world.  It shapes how we take in information, process and make sense of that information and therefore shapes our learning, our outlook and inevitably, our communication style.  I was told once that there are three parts of communication.

The intended message, the delivered message and the received message.

If these parts of the communicated message are congruent, then the message or the communication is effective.  The problem occurs between transmission and reception.  Imagine a radio that is slightly out of range or not quite on the right frequency, what you hear is broken up and doesn’t always make sense.  When we don’t get the full story, we fill in the gaps, or make up our own ending, we make sense of incomplete communication based on our interpretation and experience.

If we experience and make sense of those experiences differently then surely our styles will differ and our communication has a high chance of failure. Well, It does and often is the cause of most conflict, either professional or personal. Conflict of course will affect our happiness, either temporarily or for a longer period in time, for some the damage appears almost irretrievable.

There are countless psychological studies on personality, there are countless psychometric tools to ‘measure’ our personalities using all kinds of psychometrics.  Some more useful than others, but most have gone through the rigour of validation and reliability. With so many tools measuring so many aspects of our personalities is it any wonder that it is difficult to understand each other accurately and therefore help each other live a happier life.

I recounted an incident of conflict that I experienced recently and a friend replied to me;

“How someone with authority can disrupt an otherwise beautiful day, even though they are entirely wrong, causing sleepless nights and massive inconvenience to their victim. These kind of issues tend to play over and over again in your mind until they finally fade away in a similar way to bereavements” (Male 55 United Kingdom).

This provides a good insight into how people deal with experiences differently, albeit one of conflict in this case.  The way I dealt with situation was to become frustrated and I researched what would resolve this conflict to ensure I put into place what was necessary to protect myself from similar occurrences, I finally expressed my frustration in writing through my travel blog.  Once I had done all this the frustration had ebbed away and it no longer effects me negatively.

This leads me to believe that frustration, albeit temporary has a different effect on our perceived level of happiness. Making sense of our past experience also has a qualifying indication on our level of happiness.

How we make sense of our experience, or rather what we learn from our experience, indicates how and where we see ourselves at any moment in time in our current life. There are many ways to make sense of our experience, whether we take our learning from academic studies or indeed teachings from faith and religious leaders.

Most teaching informs us not to live in the past nor should we dwell too long on our imagined future.  A great person once said “… the past is for reference, not for living in, learn from it, don’t live in it”.

Dwelling on our past or worrying too much about our imagined future tells us a lot about our current ego state. When talking about our ego state I do not refer to the psychodynamic view of ego and super ego but simply how we see ourselves with regards to the world around us and our perceived position in that world.

Our intrinsic view of ourselves and how we make sense of our lives differs from individual to individual. Some of us draw meaning from measuring ourselves against those around us, some of us measure our happiness in terms of what we have in comparison to what others.

My view of this is that this approach or form of measurement cannot possibly end well as it is beset with pitfalls; pitfalls that are borne from a competitive spirit.  To be unhappy because someone close to you has more than you gives the power of achieving your own happiness to someone else.

Seizing control of our future requires us to take responsibility for our happiness. Making sense of past experience shapes our view and determines our outlook. It is therefore possible to train ourselves to think differently, to think more positively.

Studies in neuroscience suggests that it is.  When we view an experience or learning opportunity positively this sends different messages to the part of our brain that releases chemicals that makes us feel good.  Conversely negative thinking has the opposite effect. Neuroscientists believe these changes can become permanent and we can train our brain to emit more feel good chemicals by thinking positively. We should practice positive thinking and after a while this becomes more natural to us and a permanent change in our brain patterns takes place. This is called neuroplasticity and is more commonly referred to as a ‘positive mental attitude’.

One of the ways we can practice thinking positively is in the way we communicate with others. If we are wrapped up in competition, quite often our communication with others will be of a competitive nature, trying to be funny at another’s expense or pointing out the negative aspects of those with whom you come into contact with, trying to impose your view over theirs. This sort of interaction is often met with a similar attitude and can easily spiral into a negative downward exchange leading to a win/lose or worse, a lose/lose situation.

Betari developed a simple tool to highlight the impact of positive and negative social interaction, ‘ The Betari box’.

Betari suggested there are four main elements to a social interaction in which our attitudes have a major influence. He suggested that, our attitude leads to our behaviour, which in tun has an affect on the attitude of those we converse with and ultimately their behaviour. In turn their behaviour affects our attitude and so on. Through this simple tool we are able to track how our communications and social interaction can spiral in a positive way or spiral towards negatively.

I believe we can control how we communicate as long as we understand the purpose of communication.  Great writers write in such a way that the reader can understand, become excited, sad, happy and so on. Great orators also do this. Communication in these cases is viewed as a means of transmitting information for the receivers benefit and not for the benefit of the communicator. Someone very dear to me once told me that when communicating ‘they do not sugar coat things’.  The same day, they told me that they were misunderstood by everyone.

It is said that we are a sum of our experiences and decisions. I would go one step further and say we are indeed a sum of these factors but the important ingredient is choice, choice of how we communicate.

Victor Frankl has written extensively on making sense of our experience and I would like to share a quote of his with you.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” (Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning).

He goes onto say, “For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour.  What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment”.

Who really knows what the meaning of our life is?  Again I would draw on another eminent speaker on this subject.

“The meaning of life is to search for and achieve happiness” (Dalai Lama).

Whatever you believe the meaning of your life to be, searching for and achieving happiness cannot be a bad start.  In searching for happiness, taking control of your search, your interactions and your learning will give you a better chance of achieving what it is you seek.  It is also said that if you give out positivity, you shall receive positivity in return.

At a recent conference at the University of New South Wales (Australia) it was highlighted that through extensive studies of ancient philosophies there are five elements of a good life;

Five elements of a good life:

• Beauty: Understanding that beauty has a central place in our moral life. Beauty can be a reason for action: often, a good answer to “Why should I do x?” is “Because x is the beautiful thing to do.” (from Sophocles and Aristotle).

• Harmony: Living a life that is balanced, and that has composition – long-term meaning from beginning to end (from Plato and Confucius).

• Inquiry and awareness: Being aware of the world and your environment, noticing what has changed, responding with spontaneity (from Taoist philosophy).

• Don’t shy from difficulty: Be prepared to try things out and to make mistakes. Do the hard yards. Develop your physical, intellectual and moral ‘muscles’. Entertain paradoxes and engage your imagination (from Greek, Confucian and Taoist philosophy).

• Harness your emotions: Cultivate and harness your emotions rather than deny them or pretend they don’t exist. Emotions are a central part of our moral existence (from Stoic, Confucian, Taoist philosophy).

Turning finally to the Happiness Index, one of the fundamental building blocks is indeed our ego. How we see ourselves and how we interact.  A positive approach will lead you to believe that you are in fact, happier.  Think for a moment, how would those around you describe you?  More positive or more competitive?

 

 

Chapter three
Tell me what makes you happy
Two years ago I spent some time interviewing people about happiness, specifically, what makes or brings them happy feelings or happiness itself.  There were common elements that came up regularly so I sent a questionnaire to a number of people asking them to rate these elements in their own search for happiness.

Each of these elements may have subcategories, but for the purposes of this piece of research, I asked participants to think of each element as a trivial pursuit wedge and to achieve happiness in full you will need to achieve all the wedges to complete the wheel of happiness.

Participants scored the elements out of ten. Ten being the most important and 1 being the least so. There were no right and wrong answers and the participants were encouraged to elaborate on each answer. There are ten elements in total, see below;

• Experience (what makes us who we are)
• Health (ability and control of our body and mind)
• Companionship (human or pet)
• Self control (our ability to control our urges or impulses)
• Intelligence (level of IQ)
• Sex (does a satisfying sex life make us happier or does frustration make us moody)
• Self awareness (are we aware of how we make others feel)
• Acceptance (are we happy with what we have either material or emotional.  What would we change?)
• Self esteem/affirmations of your core values (do you love all you are, how do you receive feedback on what kind of person you are)
• Love (do we love those around us and receive love in return? Is the love of our chosen companion as complete as we would like it?)

The questionnaire was set to equal numbers of females and males. Twice as many females responded as males.  Here is a snapshot of the findings.

Findings
Over 50% of participants valued the same three elements above all others; Acceptance, love and health respectively. These three elements became  responsible for three quarters of all participants happiness, outscoring all other elements consistently when combined with other elements that were used interchangeably in style and use of language.

Acceptance included Self Esteem more often than not (and on occasion self control but this was far less common).  

Love included companionship in almost every response. 

The lowest scoring factor from all participants was sex, although it was made more prominent by some very high scores, from both Female and Male. Females tended to scored sex lower than males on 95% of responses, valuing love and intimacy more.

• Acceptance – 21%
• Love – 20%
• Health – 17%
• Self Esteem – 15%
• Experience – 14%
• Companionship – 14%

Acceptance + Self Esteem = 36%

Love + Companionship = 34%

 

Chapter four
What you said about acceptance and what do the experts say?

This chapter will deal with the participant responses of the highest scoring element, that of ‘Acceptance’, and their personal observations, all of which will be anonymised. I will then compare the participants responses with those of bigger studies, a kind of ‘what the experts say’ if you like.   It must be noted however that the words acceptance and self esteem were often used interchangeably, this happened to such a point that some participants would join the two categories together and give them a joint score.

Acceptance (what you said)
“Understanding my strengths and weaknesses – I’m not one of those people who say if you set your mind to anything you can achieve it. Call it pessimism but I call it realism. There are limitations to what I have the ability to do and what I have the opportunity to do. I understand the sentiment behind it and I’m all for drive and ambition but I cannot run off and be in the circus, I cannot restart my education and become a doctor, I cannot go and spend 6 months in the Amazon jungle. Don’t argue and say I can because while I understand that physically these are not impossible they are impossible to me because I have responsibilities that I would not dream of abandoning.

This sounds really negative but actually it gives me an element of peace. I do not continuously wish for better things or greener grass etc because at the moment my grass is as green as it can get I and have accepted that. There are some changes I’d like to make and Richard and I are talking about them but that’s because they are possible and with enough hard work, achievable. As my circumstances change then my goals will in turn change.

Feeling accepted – With age and experience my confidence has grown and with that my need to feel accepted is less than what it was like as a child/adolescent. I feel very lucky that I was always accepted by my family and peers and so maybe I’m not qualified to make a judgement on this, however working in a school and working with vulnerable children is a window into the reality of those who aren’t so lucky. Even with my Dad disappearing out of my life I’ve never felt this was my fault or anything that I did wrong, perhaps that was down to the way my Mum would talk about it but I accepted that he was selfish and put himself before others and although it made me angry it never made me doubt myself. Some of the students I work with are not that lucky and it breaks my heart. I’ve never really experienced bullying either but again I see the damage it does and so while I know feeling accepted should start with yourself, for others it can be so detrimental to someone’s happiness”.

“I guess the need to be accepted shows a lack of self belief, but I would find it very difficult not to be accepted and feel really unhappy if I want, although that doesn’t mean I want/need to be like everyone else”.

“I personally don’t worry too much about whether people accept me or like me.  They have two choices.

For others though I see them bending over backwards to be accepted
If I could change something on a huge scale, I would remove scarcity from society & move towards abundance.  By this I mean at present we live in a society that is monetary based.  This means the big players need to ensure scarcity to ensure their goods remain of value.  This then ensures that we remain slaves to this system as we have to work to live.  Economic slavery.  The irony is that there is enough for all if we were to allow fair access to it”.

And what do the experts say?
Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognising a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest it. The concept is close in meaning to acquiescence, derived from the Latin acquiēscere (to find rest in). (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance)

Acceptance has been a key to happiness since Buddhism was born. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism (of The Four Noble Truths) is that “desire (or craving) is the root of all suffering”. This is interpreted as wanting reality to be anything but what it is; in other words, a lack of acceptance.

Acceptance has been a cornerstone of the 12 Step treatment for alcoholism since the first “Alcoholics Anonymous” book was written in 1939. Doctor Paul Ohliger wrote a passage on how acceptance leads to being happier and sober. By the third edition the passage was famously known in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as page 449. (https://www.psychologytoday.com)

For proof that rejection, exclusion, and acceptance are central to our lives, look no farther than the living room, says Nathan Dewall, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. “If you turn on the television set, and watch any reality TV program, most of them are about rejection and acceptance,” he says. The reason, DeWall says, is that acceptance — in romantic relationships, from friends, even from strangers — is absolutely fundamental to humans.
But acceptance has an evil twin: rejection. Being rejected is bad for your health. “People who feel isolated and lonely and excluded tend to have poor physical health,” DeWall says. They don’t sleep well, their immune systems sputter, and they even tend to die sooner than people who are surrounded by others who care about them.

In a cultural age that’s decidedly pro-positivity, the pressure to suppress or camouflage negative feelings is real.

However, psychological studies have shown that acceptance of those negative emotions is the more reliable route to regaining and maintaining peace of mind. Whether practiced through the lens of ancient Eastern philosophies, or in increasingly popular forms of treatment like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy, acceptance of one’s dark emotions is now backed by a body of evidence connecting the habit to better emotional resilience, and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety.

According to analysis, the magic of acceptance is in its blunting effect on emotional reactions to stressful events. It’s that mechanism that can, over time, lead to positive psychological health, including higher levels of life satisfaction.

What’s more, acceptance seems to be linked to better mental health when it’s used in response to negative emotions, not positive ones, it’s natural for us to start applying judgment to the negative mental experiences that we have.

Acceptance is more connected to better psychological health than other mental modes that fall under the general umbrella of ‘mindfulness,’ such as practicing non-reactivity, for instance, or simply observing. Acceptance, non-judging acceptance, seems to be the key ingredient to mindfulness.”

Buddhist leaders often underline that ‘acceptance’ doesn’t mean being resigned to a stressful, negative situation, especially when the situation is within your control. Accepting situations is more complex and context-dependent. We need to accept a death, but we don’t need to endure unfair treatment from a landlord or employer, for instance, and doing so might lead to worse mental health.

What does this mean for us?
Like other cognitive habits, however, acceptance is a skill that can be acquired. One commonly taught tactic is to think of your emotions as passing clouds, visible but not a part of you. And according to a study in 2010, older adults use acceptance more than younger adults. Like wisdom, the trait tracks with age, so most of us will get there eventually.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

 

Chapter five
What you said about love and what do the experts say?
“Love is a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. Love can be referred as an emotion of a strong attraction or personal attachment. It is a necessity of human beings to keep them close together and live their life happily and peacefully. (https://www.javatpoint.com/full-form-of-love).

What did you say?
“Love of & from children is unconditional. For adults it is more of a contract.”

“…Companionship. I believe those that experience companionship are very lucky. As are those that experience love, moreso, hence why I placed love higher in my list. Companionship, much like love, is not something you can force. Companionship is a happy side effect that bubbles up whilst you are living your life. It is futile to prioritise collecting friends over finding your path as you will never know how to truly access a meaningful, mutual companionship. Even with a pet, you cannot just buy a pet and expect to feel love or companionship with it. You need to accept its faults and flaws as you would with a human in order to have a fulfilling companionship with it.”

“…Love. This is so important to me. It is reasonably easy to love the people in your life, but not having their love in return would make me really unhappy. I would question what I am doing wrong to make them not love me.”

“…Love – Children – Having children is not for everyone and I totally get that. I look at my friends without kids and they can come and go as they please, they can do what they want when they want and seem to have so much freedom. Plus since having children I worry constantly. I worry over the smallest things, like if they stood in a puddle and have to have a cold foot for the rest of the day, and the big things like is **** going to drown in the bath or *** get run over on his way home and it’s constant!!! Having said that I cannot imagine myself without them. Those 2 children have made me so, so happy and I would have never have imagined loving anyone or anything as much as I do them. It’s because I love them so much that the smallest of their actions can have such an impact be it good or bad. I never understood the whole ‘you complete me’ phrase until having children. It’s just a part of my make up to be a Mum.

Partner – As I said when talking about companionship I don’t believe it’s necessary to have a partner to be happy, nor do I believe that there is one perfect soul mate for each of us. But if you truly love someone and then they actually love you back, warts and all then how can that not make you happy? If you have things in common too then to share experiences with someone is a special thing.

Family and friends – I’m very lucky to have a great family and a great circle of friends. It’s because of them that my days are mostly sunny and bright, and if they are not then they can certainly cheer me up. I genuinely love each and every one of them for different reasons and I know they love me. That’s an amazing feeling. When you die you take nothing with you but you leave a memory of yourself, so to have people remember you with love and fondly surely is the whole point?!

To sum this section up I’ve put love as my main priority I think it’s because without it I wouldn’t have the motivation to care about anything else. For me it makes everything else have a point and I know that if I had no love in my life I would not be happy.

What do the experts say?
The ancient Greek used 7 words to define the different states of love:
Storge: natural affection, the love you share with your family.
Philia: the love that you have for friends.
Eros: sexual and erotic desire kind of love (positive or negative)
Agape: this is the unconditional love, or divine love
Ludus: this is playful love, like childish love or flirting.
Pragma: long standing love. The love in a married couple.
Philautia: the love of the self (negative or positive)

These are 7 different kind of feelings. The love you feel for your partner is not the same as the love you feel for your mother. Even the love for your partner changes in time. You feel different emotions for different situations and people.

It is undeniable that love plays an enormous and unavoidable role in our several cultures; we find it discussed in song, film, and novels—humorously or seriously; it is a constant theme of maturing life and a vibrant theme for youth. Philosophically, the nature of love has, since the time of the Ancient Greeks, been a mainstay in philosophy, producing theories that range from the materialistic conception of love as purely a physical phenomenon—an animalistic or genetic urge that dictates our behaviour—to theories of love as an intensely spiritual affair that in its highest permits us to touch divinity.

Historically, in the Western tradition, Plato’s Symposium presents the initiating text, for it provides us with an enormously influential and attractive notion that love is characterised by a series of elevations, in which animalistic desire or base lust is superseded by a more intellectual conception of love which also is surpassed by what may be construed by a theological vision of love that transcends sensual attraction and mutuality. Since then there have been detractors and supporters of Platonic love as well as a host of alternative theories—including that of Plato’s student, Aristotle and his more secular theory of true love reflecting what he described as ‘two bodies and one soul.’ (http://www.iep.utm.edu/love).

‘What is love?’ was the most searched phrase on Google in 2012.

The physicist: ‘Love is chemistry’
Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security. (Jim Al-Khalili is a theoretical physicist and science writer)

The psychotherapist: ‘Love has many guises’
Unlike us, the ancients did not lump all the various emotions that we label “love” under the one word. They had several variations, including:
Philia which they saw as a deep but usually non-sexual intimacy between close friends and family members or as a deep bond forged by soldiers as they fought alongside each other in battle. Ludus describes a more playful affection found in fooling around or flirting. Pragma is the mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding. Agape is a more generalised love, it’s not about exclusivity but about love for all of humanity. Philautia is self love, which isn’t as selfish as it sounds. As Aristotle discovered and as any psychotherapist will tell you, in order to care for others you need to be able to care about yourself. Last, and probably least even though it causes the most trouble, eros is about sexual passion and desire. Unless it morphs into philia and/or pragma, eros will burn itself out.
Love is all of the above. But is it possibly unrealistic to expect to experience all six types with only one person. This is why family and community are important. (Philippa Perry is a psychotherapist and author of Couch Fiction)

The philosopher: ‘Love is a passionate commitment’
The answer remains elusive in part because love is not one thing. Love for parents, partners, children, country, neighbour, God and so on all have different qualities. Each has its variants – blind, one-sided, tragic, steadfast, fickle, reciprocated, misguided, unconditional. At its best, however, all love is a kind a passionate commitment that we nurture and develop, even though it usually arrives in our lives unbidden. That’s why it is more than just a powerful feeling. Without the commitment, it is mere infatuation. Without the passion, it is mere dedication. Without nurturing, even the best can wither and die. (Julian Baggini is a philosopher and writer)

The romantic novelist: ‘Love drives all great stories’
What love is depends on where you are in relation to it. Secure in it, it can feel as mundane and necessary as air – you exist within it, almost unnoticing. Deprived of it, it can feel like an obsession; all consuming, a physical pain. Love is the driver for all great stories: not just romantic love, but the love of parent for child, for family, for country. It is the point before consummation of it that fascinates: what separates you from love, the obstacles that stand in its way. It is usually at those points that love is everything. (Jojo Moyes is a two-time winner of the Romantic Novel of the Year award)

The nun: ‘Love is free yet binds us’
Love is more easily experienced than defined. As a theological virtue, by which we love God above all things and our neighbours as ourselves for his sake, it seems remote until we encounter it enfleshed, so to say, in the life of another – in acts of kindness, generosity and self-sacrifice. Love’s the one thing that can never hurt anyone, although it may cost dearly. The paradox of love is that it is supremely free yet attaches us with bonds stronger than death. It cannot be bought or sold; there is nothing it cannot face; love is life’s greatest blessing. (Catherine Wybourne is a Benedictine Nun).

The above was copied from an article from the Guardian online (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/dec/13/what-is-love-five-theories).

 

Chapter six
What you said about health and what do the experts say?
When we talk about health, do we talk in terms of physical health, mental health or both? Or, do we talk in terms of what we wish we had more of? (Enness 2017).

“Health.  I firmly believe that without your health there is not much left to be enjoyed. Both physical and mental health are crucial to living whole heartedly and enjoying the light happiness can bring.”

“…the three aspects to health are mental, physical and emotional.”

“…Health – I guess apart from the things we can’t control ie serious illnesses, we can take charge of how we live our lives.  How we treat others and choose to live our lives. I don’t think this is easy as all too often we (I) use the excuse of lack of time for not doing what deep down we feel we should, although taking more care of all aspects of your health does in turn make you feel better about yourself.”

“…it depends how healthy and motivated you are, but for some they are dealt tough deals with conditions and disease.”

“…My own health – Whether it be mental or physical , health has to be high up on the list. Health is massively important to me. I live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I know there are things I could do better but I balance it ok. I don’t understand how anyone can be happy if they are not healthy. General well being and day to day life can be massively affected and trying to function every day like that would be miserable. There isn’t a day go by that I don’t feel thankful for being healthy, especially lately after having lost one friend to cancer last week and another to suicide after years of mental illness.

Others’ health – I think this is more important to me than my own. The health of my children, my family and loved ones is paramount to my happiness. The death of a loved one is the greatest pain I’ve ever experienced.”

What do the experts say?
Most human misery can be blamed on failed relationships and physical and mental illness rather than money problems and poverty, according to a landmark study by a team of researchers at the London School of Economics (LSE).

Eliminating depression and anxiety would reduce misery by 20% compared to just 5% if policymakers focused on eliminating poverty, the report found.
Extra spending on reducing mental illness would be self-financing, the researchers added, because it would be recovered by the government through higher employment and increased tax receipts together with a reduction in NHS costs from fewer GP visits and hospital A&E admissions.

“Tackling depression and anxiety would be four times as effective as tackling poverty. It would also pay for itself,” (Lord Richard Layard, The origins of Happiness).

“You are what you eat. We do need to listen to our body to figure out what we need, what satisfies us, and what leaves us empty and unfulfilled. There is no one diet that works for everybody. And, by the way, how many diets have you tried? We need to discover how to break free from that pattern of yo-yo dieting and enter a lifestyle of food for energy and nutrition. When we eat whole, real, unprocessed foods, we restore balance to hormones that control our metabolism and we naturally lose weight.

Move and sleep for energy. We do know we are meant to be moving every day and it doesn’t have to be going to the gym five times a week. Studies show that just 30 minutes of physical activity every other day is all that’s required to reap big benefits. The key is to do what you love! You must like it in order to stick with it. Resting is equally important to moving. Sleep is a hormone-dependent process and with all the variables in our lives that can affect proper hormone balance, it makes sense that most people suffer from lack of sleep.

Most of us need seven to eight hours of sleep a night for optimal rest, fat loss and muscle growth. The key is to learn to relax your body and mind before bedtime.

Practice self-care. Last but not least, our emotional state and well-being is the most important part of our lives. However, our emotions are a direct result of how we treat our mind and body. When we treat our mind and body well — properly nourished, well rested, fit and filled with energy — our emotions will be positive. We feel happy and joyful. When we treat our body like it’s the least important thing on our agenda — malnourished, sleep-deprived and stressed out — our emotions will be negative. Mind, body and our emotions are integrally linked. One affects the other.

In summary, all the information about health and wellness always has been available to us, but we keep doing what we have always done. The only way to change our lives is to start making different choices and decisions. We need to take ourselves out of our comfort zone, start taking risks and only then change can happen.” (Helen Marie Loorents).

Happiness and health have been anecdotally linked for quite a while now–‘laughter is the best medicine’ has become a cliche’ for a reason–but research backs up what many people have instinctively assumed all along: that happiness and health really are connected, and that one’s level of happiness really can impact the level of one’s health.

The relatively new field of positive psychology is exploring the factors that contribute to emotional resilience, happiness, and health, among other life-affirming topics, and what we now know for certain about these topics can help us all life healthier, more meaningful lives–and reduce stress.

“Experiences that induce positive emotion cause negative emotion to dissipate rapidly. The strengths and virtues…function to buffer against misfortune and against the psychological disorders, and they may be the key to building resilience. The best therapists do not merely heal damage; they help people identify and build their strengths and their virtues,” wrote Martin Seligman, former president of the American Psychological Association and the father of the field of positive psychology, in his book Authentic Happiness. And solid research continues to culminate, supporting this view. Here are a few important studies on happiness and health:

Happiness and Longevity: A landmark study involving nuns was able to pinpoint health benefits that come with positive emotion. (Nun studies work well because so many other lifestyle variables are uniform, so reported differences can often be narrowed down to a handful of factors, like personality and outlook.) In studying the lives and deaths of the nuns, given clues to their emotional state, researchers were able to make an important discovery about happiness and health–positive emotion is correlated with longevity! 90% of the most cheerful quarter of nuns was alive at the age of eighty-five, whereas only 34% of the least cheerful quarter lived to that age. Similarly, 54% of the most cheerful fourth was alive at age ninety-four, versus 11% of the least cheerful. (Elizabeth Scott, MS, Updated September 23, 2016)

Happiness and Health Go Together

A new study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that the degree to which a disease disrupts daily functioning is associated with reduced happiness.

Lead author Erik Angner, associate professor of philosophy, economics and public policy at George Mason University, worked with an interdisciplinary team of researchers from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, the University of Chicago and the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

Previous research found that many serious medical conditions, including cancer, have a surprisingly small impact on happiness, while certain other conditions, such as urinary incontinence, seem to have a lasting negative effect on happiness.

For example, a patient with prostate cancer, whose daily functioning is not affected by his condition, might score higher on a happiness scale than a patient with urinary incontinence, whose condition imposes dramatic limitations in daily functioning. Indeed, in an earlier study, the authors found that participants with a history of cancer reported being significantly happier than those with urinary incontinence.

“These new results support the notion that health status is one of the most important predictors of happiness,” Angner said. “A better understanding of the complex relationship between health status and subjective well-being could have important implications for the care and treatment of patients and could lead to interventions that could dramatically improve patient quality of life.”  (Story Source: Materials provided by George Mason University. Note: Content may be edited for style and length).

 

Chapter seven
The three main components of happiness
It appears from both my short, non academically rigorous study, and the more rigorous research that there are indeed, three main components to happiness. Of course, these are subject to language use and preference. For example many people will use acceptance and self esteem interchangeably, also love and companionship was used interchangeably.

Studies show that the relationship between health and happiness can be like the ‘chicken and the egg’ dilemma. Which comes first is not entirely known but the absence of health has a clear detrimental effect on our levels of happiness. Certainly we are happier if we are healthy and vice versa.

There are of course issues that are out of our individual sphere of control that impact on our happiness levels, such as; political trust and governance, healthcare inequalities, levels of conflict (war). I do not want to concern this piece of work with those elements that we have little or no control over. I have concentrated on the elements we can control.

I started this study looking at happiness in a linear scale, this was an attempt to simplify an approach to both understand what impacts on our levels of happiness and how to improve our levels of happiness. I have found however, that it is possibly inappropriate to score happiness in a linear model. Rather, I would prefer to use a wheel analogy.

The circumference of the wheel is your life inside of which are a number of elements that make up you and your deep seated values and priorities. Each of these elements have a value and we work towards that specific element according to the importance we attach to it. They also have areas of overlap where one element can affect another, how we feel about ourselves and how we love is an example of this.

If we want to add more happiness to our lives, we can concentrate on three main areas; Acceptance, love and health.

There are other elements that we can seek to achieve and according to our needs and wants we will certainly spend time on these. But a great start will be to focus on;

• Accepting ourselves, feeling good about who, what, how and where we are, and what we have, physically, spiritually, emotionally and materially. Doing good for others without expecting anything in return appeared to have the greatest benefit on how we feel about ourselves.
• Love and Companionship, loving others (human or animal) and putting them before ourselves has an enormous positive impact on how happy we are generally.   Having a companion in the form of a partner or pet increases our levels of happiness far more than more money.
• Health, both mental and physical. Seeking to improve our levels of both will make us feel better. Meditation consistently appeared as a major contributor to better mental health.

There are other elements that will bring us happiness and/or moments of pleasure but these appear to be the biggest impacters on happiness. Each of these have many subcategories and these subcategories will vary between us all.

So what started out life as the happiness index over two years ago has now become a ‘Wheel of Happiness’. I hope it helps you, even if it makes you look a little deeper within. Good luck and I sincerely hope you become happier.