Blog

Introduction:
Have you ever pondered the profound impact that your choices have on the course of your life? Our decisions possess an incredible power to shape who we are and the paths we tread. In this article, we will explore the intersection of philosophy and psychology to uncover the fascinating dynamics of decision-making. We will explore when, where and how our choices become the architects of our destiny.

1. The Art of Self-Determination:
   Imagine yourself as the sculptor of your own existence, chiseling away at the masterpiece that is your life. Self-determination grants us the power to shape ourselves, to make choices in alignment with our deepest desires and values. By taking charge of our decisions, we actively shape the person we become.

“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude”, (William James).

2. The Domino Effect:
   Every choice we make has far-reaching consequences, much like a series of falling dominos. Our actions set off a chain reaction, influencing not only our own lives but also those of others. An American psychologist Edward Thorndike remarked, “Every act of ours, whether conscious or unconscious, tends to become a cause of subsequent acts.” So, be mindful of the impact your decisions may have, for they possess the power to create both a positive or negative ripple effect in the lives of those around you.

3. The Morality Maze:
   Within the labyrinth of decision-making lies the ethical dimension, guiding us towards choices that reflect our core values. Ethical decision-making involves considering the well-being of others and acting with compassion and integrity. It is the moral compass that steers us through the complexities of life, shaping not only our actions but also our character.

4. Embracing the Unknown:
   Life is an adventure brimming with uncertainty, and our choices often require us to step into the realm of the unknown. Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” Embracing the unfamiliar can lead to transformative experiences, personal growth, and unforeseen opportunities. The willingness to take risks and explore uncharted territories allows us to sculpt our lives into extraordinary works of art.

5. Learning from Mistakes:
   In the tapestry of life, mistakes are the threads of wisdom woven into our very being. Our wrong choices, like signposts, guide us toward self-improvement and resilience. Each misstep becomes a lesson etched in our consciousness, urging us to navigate future decisions with greater insight and understanding. But to grow we must learn, to learn we must show courage and honesty and take responsibility for our mistakes.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger”, (Friedrich Nietzsche).

6. Balancing Fate and Free Will:
   As we traverse the realm of decision-making, we encounter the delicate interplay between fate and free will. The ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus remarked, “We are not in control of the way the world unfolds, but we are in control of how we respond.” While external factors and unforeseen circumstances may influence the outcomes of our choices, we retain the power to shape our responses and attitudes. Finding equilibrium between surrendering to the flow of life and exerting our agency helps us navigate the labyrinth of existence with grace and resilience.

Conclusion:
Our decisions shape the very essence of who we are. Whether you’re an adult or a 14-year-old, understanding the power of choice empowers you to take control of your own life. Embrace your freedom, consider the impact of your decisions on others, and be open to new experiences. Remember, every choice you make is a brushstroke painting the unique masterpiece of your life.

Happiness, a universal pursuit, is an intricate and subjective concept that has fascinated philosophers, psychologists, and individuals throughout history. What are the keys to happiness? While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, numerous studies and observations have shed light on the essential elements that contribute to a fulfilling and joyful life. In this article, we will explore some of the key factors that can unlock the door to happiness.

Cultivating Positive Relationships:
Human beings are social creatures, and nurturing positive relationships is fundamental to our happiness. Meaningful connections with family, friends, and loved ones provide support, love, and a sense of belonging. Investing time and effort into building and maintaining strong relationships can lead to increased happiness and well-being.

Gratitude and Mindfulness:
Practising gratitude and mindfulness can profoundly impact our overall happiness. Taking time to appreciate the present moment and focusing on the positive aspects of our lives can shift our perspective and foster contentment. Gratitude journaling, meditation, and being fully present in daily activities are powerful tools for cultivating a grateful and mindful mindset.

Pursuing Personal Growth:
Continual personal growth and self-improvement are vital for happiness. Setting goals, learning new skills, and challenging ourselves help foster a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Engaging in activities that align with our passions and values enables us to experience a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.

Prioritising Physical and Mental Well-being:
Taking care of our physical and mental health is crucial for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep can boost our energy levels and improve our mood. Additionally, nurturing our mental well-being by practising self-care, managing stress, and seeking professional help when needed can contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life.

Finding Meaning and Purpose:
Discovering and living a life of meaning and purpose can significantly enhance our happiness. Engaging in activities that align with our values, contributing to something larger than ourselves, and making a positive impact in our communities can provide a sense of fulfilment and give our lives deeper meaning.

Embracing Positive Mindset and Resilience:
Developing a positive mindset and cultivating resilience can help us navigate life’s challenges and setbacks. Adopting an optimistic outlook, reframing negative situations, and learning from failures enable us to bounce back stronger and maintain our happiness even in the face of adversity.

Practising Acts of Kindness and Generosity:
Engaging in acts of kindness and practising generosity has been shown to boost happiness levels. Whether through small acts of kindness or larger gestures, such as volunteering or donating to charitable causes, giving to others fosters a sense of connection, purpose, and satisfaction.

Embracing Flow and Mindful Engagement:
Experiencing a state of “flow” can lead to increased happiness. Flow occurs when we are fully immersed and engaged in an activity, losing track of time and experiencing a sense of fulfilment. Engaging in activities that align with our passions and challenge our skills can help us achieve a state of flow and promote happiness.

Cultivating Optimistic Relationships with Money and Material Possessions:
While money and material possessions alone do not guarantee happiness, developing a healthy relationship with them can contribute to our overall well-being. Striving for financial security, budgeting wisely, and spending money on experiences rather than solely on material goods can bring greater satisfaction and joy.

Embracing a Sense of Humor and Playfulness:
Laughter and playfulness are essential ingredients for happiness. Cultivating a sense of humour, engaging in playful activities, and not taking ourselves too seriously can bring lightness and joy into our lives, fostering happiness and a positive outlook.

Love is not enough

In 1967 my favourite band, The Beatles, released a song that is still famous to this day.  ‘All you need is love.’  The lyrics of that song idealised love and sparked a generational belief that love can and will solve all of our problems.  The truth however, is vastly different.

Love is often idealised and we see it as a solution to our problems, we believe that, “All we need is love.  Love is all we need” (Lennon and McCartney).  This however, leads us to other real life issues such as ignoring fundamental values, respect, each other’s identities, dignity, humility etc…

If love does indeed solve everything, then why do we need values, morals, ethical behaviours, trust, commitment and all that other stuff?  After all we have that magical thing called LOVE.  Absolutely, love can feel great, warm, cozy and give us an amazing feeling of belonging.  But it also requires some pretty hard stuff to make it work, stuff that we might find difficult to do or talk about.  Stuff like honesty, communication, truly listening to each other, not listening to answer but listening to understand, sacrifice and respect for each other’s identity.

If we understand and can accept the concept that, “Love is not enough’, we can then understand that there are more important things in a relationship than just love.  We can understand that relationships require more than just pure emotions, gestures of affection, or passion.  We can understand that simply being in love is not enough.  Relationships should be based on more than just feelings.  

What percentage of a successful relationship is attributed to love alone?  This will undoubtedly differ from person to person based on their experiences, knowledge, self awareness, culture and so on…

Many older successful married couples will tell you that friendship is more important in the longer term than love.  Love is an evolving beast, starting out with tingling, bells and whistles, dreamy gazes into each other’s eyes and eventually becoming a set of behaviours and beliefs based on mutual respect, hard work, sacrifice and the want to help your partner to become the best version of themselves.  These behaviours lead to growth, trust, commitment, and respect.  All of these are  important elements of any successful loving relationship.

If I ask you to solve the basic equation of 1 + 1, you would quite rightly tell me the answer is two.  But here is where we start to enter the realms of possibility.  What if each 1 in the equation is a person in a love relationship?  Therefore, if 1+1=2  there isn’t any real growth occurring.  Surely if we love each other, then my goal is to facilitate your growth and yours, mine.  Therefore 1+1 should equal infinity.  But what is the formula that brings this infinite growth?

I cannot pretend to know the exact formula, if I did, I would publicise it and we would all be hugging trees, there would be no more wars and we would have to invent a whole new set of issues in which to find pain and misery to write songs and make movies about.  For some bizarre reason, some of us thrive on the drama of heartache and the need for sympathetic attention.

I personally believe that aligned values matter more than the emotion of love itself.  For a relationship to be successful we must learn to use both our heart (emotion) and our brain (intellect).  The trouble with this is that’s not what the movies and love songs want us to believe. Imagine if the Beatles sang ‘all you need is love, intellect and aligned values’, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have been the hit their original song was.

We are programmed to believe, ‘Love conquers all’ but I have news for you, it doesn’t!  

Just because you fall in love with someone, it doesn’t mean they will be a good partner for you.  It’s possible to fall in love with someone who doesn’t have our interests at heart, who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t have the same respect as we do for them.  We might fall in love with someone who has different ambitions and life goals as us, who has different priorities, who has different philosophical and psychological viewpoints as us, who has world views that clash with our reality.  It is possible to fall in love with someone that makes us feel unhappy.  This doesn’t mean they’re bad people, in fact they maybe great people who are kind, but in reality, they unknowingly hurt us.

If people do not have similar or complementary values, the chances of their all consuming early days of romantic based love lasting, will be short.  

Are your life goals, vision of the future and core values similar?  Why don’t we ask these questions on our early dates?  Probably because they’re too heavy and might dampen the mood, but that might be exactly what we should do.

Love can often make us feel like we are overcoming issues, we argue and then make up and making up feels great. When on a practical level, nothing is getting solved.  Whilst love may make you feel better about your problems, it doesn’t actually solve your relationship problems.

Another question to ask yourself is; what are you sacrificing and is it worth it?  In loving relationships both will occasionally sacrifice their own needs, wants and desires for the betterment of their partner.  This is normal and to be expected.  But what happens when one person feels they are sacrificing more than the other?  What happens when that partner feels they are sacrificing their;

• Self Respect
• Dignity
• Physical Body
• Mental Health
• Ambitions
• Identity

When this happens, that same love can become toxic and destructive.  

A loving relationship is supposed to supplement your identity, not damage or worse, erode or replace it.  This will inevitably change us into someone we are not supposed to be and resentment will fester.

Relationships based on power or a power imbalance are seldom built on a foundation of love and are ultimately toxic.  Abuse of power can take many forms; 

• Telling people how to behave in order to fit in
• Making people do things they don’t want to do
• Making it difficult for a person to exercise freedom of choice
• Restricting a persons activities
• Controlling the finances
• Emasculation

Love is not rare, special or unique but a persons self respect and identity is.  Erosion of these will affect the trust in any relationship.  Love is a wonderful experience but we cannot let it consume us, nor should we sacrifice our identity for it.

Three harsh truths of love;

1. Love does not equal compatibility
2. Love does not solve relationship problems
3. Love is usually not worth sacrificing yourself for

(Manson 2021)

For love to work, we have to work.  We have to align our values, our life ambitions, understand and accept each other’s identities, help our partner grow into the best version of themselves, not the version we want them to be.

Think about the person you want to become.  Take time to work out your values and share these with your partner.  Genuinely listen to theirs.  

I believe my values to be;

• Self Awareness (Caring about the impact my behaviour and words have on others)
• Risk Tolerance (Pushing my comfort zone further, having adventures, living a less ordinary life)
• Scepticism (Not believing the first thing I’m told, taking time to research and seek out knowledge)
• Compassion (Caring for the well being of others regardless of their position in life)
• Patience (remaining calm in the face of adversity and using my brain rather than emotion to problem solve)

At least that’s who I want to be.

Chris Enness

That elusive good nights sleep

I often talk about sleep with people. I spent years not achieving a restful or good nights sleep. There is a lot of advice available on how to achieve a good nights sleep and we all have our own strategies to assist us, although for many of us, that good nights sleep remains elusive and as a result we are constantly tired. But do we actually understand the different phases of sale and how much of each phase we need? I believe it is well know that deep sleep is the phase of sleep that restore and rebuilds our physical and mental needs. That leads me to the question of how much deep sleep do we really need? What about the other phases? Are they important too. Do we all need the conventional eight hours a night?

What Is Deep Sleep?

Psychology Today defines deep sleep as “… a time of nearly complete disengagement from the environment.” Deep sleep is also known as delta sleep, slow wave sleep or N3. It is a restorative sleep state where dreams do not occur, and still relatively little is known about it.  What we do know is that deep sleep is the third stage of sleep. During this stage, heart rate and breathing slows and your muscles relax to the point where you barely move. Deep sleep is necessary for your body to repair itself and recharge for the next day. Your organs detoxicate, your kidneys clean your blood, and your body replaces cells, heals wounds, and builds muscle tissues as well.  Most deep sleep happens in the first sleep cycle. If someone is awoken during deep sleep, he or she will usually feel disoriented for sometime after waking up. It can be very difficult to wake a person during deep sleep.

Your body goes through several changes while you’re sleeping. The first stage is the non-REM sleep and you then move into stage of REM which stands for “Rapid Eye Movement”. Your eyes move quickly in all directions when you’re in REM sleep. For non-REM stage, your eyes won’t move a lot, and you will go through the following phases.

• The first phase is when you fall asleep, but it is easy to wake you up. The phase usually lasts up to 10 minutes.

• You will be in light sleep in the second stage of a non-REM sleep. Your heart rate will come down and so will your body temperature. You will soon enter “deep sleep” phase.

• You will then enter your deep sleep stage and it’s usually harder to wake you up when you’re in this stage. It’s common to feel disoriented for a few minutes when someone wakes you up from deep sleep. After deep sleep, your brain will become active. This is REM sleep and your brain dreams a lot at that time.

But what is good sleep?

While most of us still think of a solid eight hours as being enough sleep, this doesn’t take into account the number of times you wake up, or how much time is spent in each sleep cycle. We also vary, person to person, in how much sleep we need to feel recovered the next day.
A good night’s sleep consists of around five or six sleep cycles. One cycle consists of the following:

Stage 1 – The drowsy, relaxed state between being awake and nodding off.

Stage 2 – A deeper sleep where your body temperature cools a little and you become disengaged from your surroundings.

Stages 3 and 4 – ‘Deep sleep’. It’s harder to wake up from deep sleep because this is when there is the lowest amount of activity in your body. It’s also the part of sleep where your body rebuilds itself and restores energy, and hormones are released. This is the good stuff!

After deep sleep, we slip back into Stage 2 for a few minutes before entering ‘dream sleep’ – known as REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Each cycle lasts around 1.5 hours and we need to experience all four stages in order to wake up rested.

Deep sleep plays a big role in lowering your sleep drive that builds gradually over the course of the day. During this stage, your organs detoxicate, your kidneys clean your blood, and your body replaces cells, heals wounds, and builds muscle tissues as well. All this will help recharge your batteries for the next day.

“Many of the body’s cells also show increased production and reduced breakdown of proteins during deep sleep. Since proteins are the building blocks needed for cell growth and for repair of damage from factors like stress and ultraviolet rays, deep sleep may truly be “beauty sleep.” Activity in parts of the brain that control emotions, decision-making processes, and social interactions is drastically reduced during deep sleep, suggesting that this type of sleep may help people maintain optimal emotional and social functioning while they are awake.” (Sleep Association)

Some studies have shown that your deep sleep should at least be 20% of your overall sleep. It means that since most adults need 8-9 hours of sleep, they will need about 1.6-1.8 hours of deep sleep to feel fully functional next day. However, the time of deep sleep is changed and that’s mainly due to the change in the sleep need of different group of people.

As we get older we spend less time in deep sleep. Why? One thought is because deep sleep is where growth hormones are released — it makes sense that we spend less time there as we age. The time we do spend in deep sleep is important in helping repair our bodies and gather energy for the next day. Who doesn’t like feeling rejuvenated after great sleep?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So while there’s some variation between individuals, nobody can function on four hours sleep a night and expect to remain fit and healthy forever.

According to Professor Espie, “there are many small, practical steps you can take to make your day more sleep-friendly, from getting some exercise to cutting down on caffeine after lunch.” But he recommends developing your own “personal wind-down routine”.
Ideally this would consist of “an hour to an hour and a half before you go to bed when you don’t do any work, avoid any ‘stimulating’ activity such as strenuous exercise, turn off any electronic devices and give yourself time to relax.”

Easier said than done, especially if you like a night out and/or box set binges, but enjoying better sleep takes practice.

• As unrealistic as it sounds, try and get to bed by 9:30pm at least twice a week. It will help pay off your sleep debt and make work more productive.

• Avoid the lie-in at weekends as your internal body clock (circadian rhythm) doesn’t stop for Saturdays. Force yourself out of bed and you’ll sleep better during the week. Stanford sleep science expert Dr Zeitzer told us:

“Changing your sleep patterns will indirectly, through differences in light exposure, change your circadian clock, which helps your brain to anticipate ‘normal’ or expected sleep timing. So, this would make falling asleep the next night difficult.”

• Call last orders at the bar at least three hours before bed time to give your body time to process the alcohol. If your blood is clear of alcohol, you’ll sleep better.

9 Tips to Achieve Deep Sleep

Now you have already known the answer to the question “How much deep sleep do you need?” It is equally important to learn how you can achieve deep sleep regularly.

• Follow a transition routine: Make a habit of doing something before going to bed that tells your body it’s time to relax and sleep. It could simply be washing your face, taking a shower, or even brushing your teeth.

• Select the right pillow: Some studies show that using a neck pillow that comes in a rectangle shape with a depression in the middle can enhance your sleep quality. A pillow with two supported cores will also help you fall asleep.

• Eat a banana: End your day by eating a banana. It contains tryptophan, a sleep hormone that can improve your sleep quality when taken before going to bed.

• Take a hot bath: Your body will relax quickly if you take a hot bath, but you need to take it at least 90-120 minutes before you go to sleep. Also, make sure the water temperature is around 40 degree Celsius.

• Wear your pajamas: Instead of sleeping naked, you should wear your pajamas to keep your skin warm, which plays a role in lowering your blood circulation and sending signals to your brain that it’s sleep time. Just don’t wear too much stuff because your body undergoes a few cool-warm cycles throughout the night.

• Don’t sleep with pet in the bed: Pets have a different sleep-wake cycle than humans, so sleeping with your pets will keep you from having enough deep sleep.

• Give yourself a pampering massage: Use your fingertips to massage your eyes in a slow, circular motion. Then move down to your mouth and then your neck. Continue moving down your body until you feel relaxed and ready to sleep.

• Sprinkle lavender water on your bed sheets and pillowcases: The lavender scent makes you feel relax and helps you go to sleep and stay asleep throughout the night.

• Enjoy an audio book: Instead of reading, consider listening to an audio book on tape or your phone. This will soothe your brain and relax your nerves.

 

Prescription drugs that may induce sleep

In some cases, doctors will prescribe drugs for the treatment of insomnia. All insomnia medications should be taken shortly before bed. Do not attempt to drive or perform other activities that require concentration after taking an insomnia drug because it will make you sleepy. Medications should be used in combination with good sleep practices.

 

What is Diazepam used for?

Diazepam is a type of medicine called a benzodiazepine. Benzodiazepines are used for their sedative, anxiety-relieving and muscle-relaxing effects.

How does Diazepam work?

Diazepam is a type of medicine called a benzodiazepine. Benzodiazepines are used for their sedative, anxiety-relieving and muscle-relaxing effects. Diazepam works by acting on receptors in the brain called GABA receptors. This causes the release of a neurotransmitter called GABA in the brain.

Neurotransmitters are chemicals that are stored in nerve cells in the brain and nervous system. They are involved in transmitting messages between the nerve cells. GABA is a neurotransmitter that acts as a natural ‘nerve-calming’ agent. It helps keep the nerve activity in the brain in balance, and is involved in inducing sleepiness, reducing anxiety and relaxing muscles.

As diazepam increases the activity of GABA in the brain, it increases it’s calming effect and results in sleepiness, a decrease in anxiety and relaxation of muscles.

Diazepam has several uses. Firstly, it can be used to calm severe anxiety and agitation. For example, benzodiazepines such as diazepam are effective at quickly reducing the symptoms of anxiety and agitation that occur in a manic episode of the psychiatric illness, bipolar affective disorder. A benzodiazepine may be given as part of the initial treatment of a manic episode, though they are not licensed specifically for this purpose. Benzodiazepines help calm the individual while the main medicines for this condition (mood stabilisers) begin to take effect.

Oral forms of diazepam are also used for short-term treatment of severe anxiety associated with insomnia. Diazepam decreases the time taken to fall asleep and wakings during the night, as well as increasing the total amount of time spent sleeping. However, it is only suitable for short-term treatment of insomnia and anxiety as it has a high potential for dependence and addiction. As diazepam remains active in the body for many hours, drowsiness may also last into the next day.

What is zolpidem (Ambien)?

Brand Names: Ambien, Ambien CR, Edluar, Intermezzo, Zolpimist
Zolpidem is a sedative, also called a hypnotic. It affects chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced in people with sleep problems (insomnia). Zolpidem is used to treat insomnia. The immediate-release forms are Ambien, Intermezzo, Edluar, and Zolpimist, which are used to help you fall asleep. The extended-release form of zolpidem is Ambien CR, which has a first layer that dissolves quickly to help you fall asleep, and a second layer that dissolves slowly to help you stay asleep.

Ambien, Edluar, and Zolpimist are used to help you fall asleep when you first go to bed. Intermezzo, is used to help you fall back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night and then have trouble sleeping.
Your doctor will determine which form of zolpidem is best for you.

Important information

Zolpidem may cause a severe allergic reaction. Stop taking zolpidem and get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Do not share this medication with another person, even if they have the same symptoms you have. The recommended doses of zolpidem are not the same in men and women, and this drug is not approved for use in children. Misuse of this medication can result in dangerous side effects.

Zolpidem may impair your thinking or reactions. You may still feel sleepy the morning after taking this medicine, especially if you take the extended-release tablet, or if you are a woman. Wait at least 4 hours or until you are fully awake before you do anything that requires you to be awake and alert.

Some people using this medicine have engaged in activity such as driving, eating, walking, making phone calls, or having sex and later having no memory of the activity. If this happens to you, stop taking zolpidem and talk with your doctor about another treatment for your sleep disorder.

Never take this medicine in larger amounts or for longer than prescribed.
Do not take zolpidem if you have consumed alcohol during the day or just before bed.
Some people using this medicine have engaged in activity such as driving, eating, walking, making phone calls, or having sex and later having no memory of the activity.

Side Effects of Sleeping Pills

A sleeping pill may be effective at ending your sleep problems short-term. But it’s important to make sure you understand everything you need to know about sleeping pills.

So what is the answer?

Our needs will differ from person to person, the amount of sleep that refreshes and replenishes me may not be the same amount of other adult of a similar age and of similar characteristics. Differences in lifestyle and life patterns play a massive role in determining not only the amount of sleep we need but also the amount and type of sleep we get.

Explore what works for you but remember, our brains work in patterns, find a pattern that suits you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SALVATION

The journey of despair to hope

The inspirational story of people that do not accept the hand that fate deals them.

About the Author: Chris is a former full-time, career Firefighter in the United Kingdom. During a career that spanned 27 years, Chris attended many tragic, critical, and hazardous incidents. Chris has now decided to pursue other goals. He currently spends his time teaching Yoga and Pilates. His first novel Salvation is a powerful, inspiring story based on many real experiences.

About the Book: Salvation is the story of how tragic, unforeseen circumstances can plunge ordinary people like us into a world of lost hope and despair. Could this be fate, destiny, or bad luck, playing their hands? Do the choices we make, and the actions we take, determine our future? Some people choose to run, others stand and fight. What will you do?

Jack, a New York firefighter, plunges into darkness and despair following a distressing fire with tragic consequences.

Olivia, a rising star in the sporting world, has everything at her feet. The fans love her, sports commentators adore her, the media adores her. Her success seems inevitable, but can she continue her meteoric rise?

Scott, a handsome, successful, and brilliant investigative journalist. Discovers a shocking truth about someone that doesn’t want to found.

Ashleigh will do anything to protect her family. But at what personal cost?

An exciting new novel about how life can present people with unexpected challenges. Challenges that rock their very fabric. What do ordinary people do when their worlds collapse and tragedy plunges them into darkness and despair? Who gives up? Who fights?

Follow the inspiring stories of people who unexpectedly and without warning, lose all they know and love. They can choose to accept their fate, or they can choose not to. Whatever their choice, it is not going to be a comfortable journey. Read how, through courage, help, and love, the seemingly impossible becomes possible.

Purchase your copy of Salvation here http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/chrisenness

Salvation: Copyright © 2019 Chris Enness

1021 words and approximately 5 minutes of reading time.

Happy New Year you beautiful people

Now that the happiness, madness, fun and stress of the festive period is over, I would like us to think about setting a goal or target for 2020. Setting a goal can give us a useful focus on ourselves and act as a gateway to self-improvement. Target setting is often used this time of year. Many people set New Year Resolutions, such as to get fit, learn a new skill, improve health, become more mindful etc…Target setting is something I do every year as I understand the process of setting and achieving targets. I try to concentrate on things that help me feel good or improve me in some way. But setting goals and targets isn’t always straight forward, and many of us miss out on achieving our targets because we didn’t really understand what it takes to achieve a goal or a target. I believe that the goal or target is only one part of the puzzle, the final piece of a jigsaw if you like, all of the other elements are the process, learning, training or practises we undertake to meet our aim for the new year. I firmly believe that if we set a target, then we should ensure that our target is;

• Realistic and aspirational
• Incremental and measurable
• Observable and shared
• Reflective and experiential
• Mastery and motivational

Realistic and aspirational

We should be aware of our current level of competence when determining our target. However, just because our current level of proficiency is not where we want it, that shouldn’t stop us from stretching ourselves. The critical point here is not to stretch ourselves too far or place too much stress on ourselves trying to achieve our target. We should set aspirational targets, but if they’re too aspirational, then we might not meet them, and the whole target setting process may have a de-motivating impact on us. So by all means stretch, but don’t over-reach.

Incremental and measurable

We should be very clear what our target is but try not to focus only on the endpoint. Know when our goal has been reached and celebrate that, but it will be incredibly useful if we set incremental measuring points along the way. Our target is our outcome. Our plan of what we need to do to achieve our target is our input. For example, if I want to be able to hold a thirty-second handstand consistently, then I might train for a handstand four times per week. The thirty-second handstand is my target, and my training sessions are my incremental inputs. Using that example, I will reach my goal when I can consistently hold a thirty-second handstand, perhaps three out of every five attempts. As I currently cannot hold a handstand for longer than 5 seconds on average, then I need to train and practice. I need both the strength and know-how (proprioception). I can measure my progress and ascertain if my training is taking me in the intended direction. I might want a monthly review of progress to see if I need to alter my training and practice regime.

Observable and shared

This may be a little controversial, but I believe that sometimes a little pressure is a good thing. If we share our target, then we will have to answer to those we share with if we give up before reaching it. Turning that around somewhat, we can use those we share our target with to help us, motivate us or even join in with us, making the whole thing a lot more fun. If you’re in a yoga class, then share your target with your yoga mates, it might motivate them too. I’m certainly going to share my goal with my yoga and pilates classes. I will also encourage everyone else in class to set and share targets. We can then have monthly reviews and have a bit of fun measuring each others progress.

Reflective and experiential

Trying to reach our target should be fun, but more than that, it should teach us something about ourselves. There is a great saying, ‘How we do anything is how we do everything’ (Martha Beck).’ I like this because it makes me critically analyse myself. Am I the type who gives up when the going gets tough or will I dig in and get on with it?   This ‘giving up or getting on’, is often the difference between those of us that achieve what we set out to, and those of us who don’t. If our target is to stop doing something or we want to extinguish a bad habit, then rather than stop something, try instead to replace it with a more desirable habit. We should try to observe our progress and also experience how the journey makes us feel. Step outside our comfort zone, challenge ourselves but be mindful on our journey of self-improvement.

Mastery and motivational

Working towards a target is about improving ourselves, the pursuit of knowledge or skill. The quest for knowledge and expertise can be termed the pursuit of mastery, and this is a critical motivational behaviour, it gives us a purpose. It isn’t the actual mastery of something that makes us feel good but the pursuit itself. When we feel good, serotonin is released. Serotonin is the essential hormone of happiness, since it regulates mood, prevents depression, thwarts irritation and makes you happy and sociable.   

When all is said and done

Try to choose a goal, resolution or target that will help you improve in some way. Try to have fun in the process. If we are determined, thoughtful, realistic, and we actually reach our target, then we can look back on our journey and hopefully bask in the sweet taste of success. Take the time to reflect on how we feel. What did we learn? Do we feel how we thought we would? Equally, if we don’t achieve our target, then we should be similarly introspective. Did we enjoy the process of working towards or goal? Were we able to find pleasure in the process of learning? Life is tough enough at times, let’s not make it tougher, let’s make it better.

SALVATION

When tragedy strikes and destroys all you know and love, what do you do?

A NOVEL

CHRIS ENNESS

The journey of despair to hope

The inspirational story of people that do not accept the hand that fate deals them.

About the Author: Chris is a former full-time, career Firefighter in the United Kingdom. During a career that spanned 27 years, Chris attended many tragic, critical, and hazardous incidents. Chris has now decided to pursue other goals. He currently spends his time teaching Yoga and Pilates. His first novel Salvation is a powerful, inspiring story based on many real experiences.

About the Book: Salvation is the story of how tragic, unforeseen circumstances can plunge ordinary people like us into a world of lost hope and despair. Could this be fate, destiny, or bad luck, playing their hands? Do the choices we make, and the actions we take, determine our future? Some people choose to run, others stand and fight. What will you do?

Jack, a New York firefighter, plunges into darkness and despair following a distressing fire with tragic consequences.

Olivia, a rising star in the sporting world, has everything at her feet. The fans love her, sports commentators adore her, the media adores her. Her success seems inevitable, but can she continue her meteoric rise? 

Scott, a handsome, successful, and brilliant investigative journalist. Discovers a shocking truth about someone that doesn’t want to found.

Ashleigh will do anything to protect her family. But at what personal cost?

An exciting new novel about how life can present people with unexpected challenges. Challenges that rock their very fabric. What do ordinary people do when their worlds collapse and tragedy plunges them into darkness and despair? Who gives up? Who fights? 


Follow the inspiring stories of people who unexpectedly and without warning, lose all they know and love. They can choose to accept their fate, or they can choose not to. Whatever their choice, it is not going to be a comfortable journey. Read how, through courage, help, and love, the seemingly impossible becomes possible.

This is my first novel, I have just finished writing and the manuscript is currently with publishers. WATCH THIS SPACE!

Salvation: Copyright © 2019 Chris Enness

I recently had the opportunity to do something I had only dreamt of, the chance to see something I had read so many books about, something I had seen numerous films about, the thing I had thought about for about 30 years.  Mt. Everest.

I went on a trek in the Himalayas, the trek was an incredible experience surrounded by natural yet potentially hostile beauty.  The purpose of the trek was to get a look at Mt. Everest up close and personal.  The trip started at Lukla and was to take fourteen days, eleven days trekking to Kala Pattah and Everest base camp, this included two acclimatisation days and three days back.  My good friend Sumir Gyawali, Everest Yoga Guide, guided and cared for me throughout this trip.  Without him I wouldn’t have been able to make this trip and have one of the greatest experiences of my life.  He can be reached here; sumirgyawali017@gmail.com 

It was a tough yet rewarding trip.  During the many hours trekking I spent a lot of time immersed in my thoughts. I started to think about the difficulty this trek was presenting me, then I realised that my attitude to this trek mirrored my attitude to life. Here are the thoughts I had whilst battling against a cold, the cold and altitude. These are the very same thoughts I have when facing difficulties in life. I hope you find them helpful.

• Beauty has a price.  

Nothing good comes easy, whether it be success, looks, body, house, car or in this case a look at the tallest thing on the surface of our beautiful planet.  None of this just happens.  We have to work for the good things we want, the harder we work the greater the reward. In this case, once I reached about three thousand metres in altitude I found the going tough.  This was made worse by the fact that I developed a rotten cold just before the start of the trip.  The cold came with a heavy cough and made it hard to breathe, the altitude added to that exponentially.  Part of me wanted to give up, another part of me was determined to carry on, I decided to grit my teeth and get on with the task.  I knew that the hard work would have an extraordinary reward.  I just had to get on with it and battle through what was a difficult time.

Sometimes the choices life presents to us are not easy, nor are they straight forward.  It would be nice if the choices were either good or bad.  But they are seldom that easy.  More often than not the choices we are presented with are; shitty choice v shitty choice.  The trick here, is to work out which one to take, which are you more likely to sacrifice?  What are you prepared to do to get what you want?

• Do the work, nobody will do it for you.  

Taking a short cut, more often than not, will end up giving us more work, or worse, takes us completely off course. Our progression is often delayed by the distractions of getting something easy.  In truth, if it’s easy it probably isn’t what we really want.  To get what we want, or the results we want, we must do the hard work it entails to achieve the required results.  Do you think that world class athletes just wake up with this incredible ability?  No, they work hard to achieve what they want, often suffering set back after set back, failed attempt after failed attempt before they finally break through.

Whilst on this trip my friend, Sumir, offered to carry my bag when I was really struggling.  It was a very kind offer from a very kind human being.  But my view was, I brought the damn thing, I packed it, I should carry it.  If I can’t carry it then I shouldn’t be here.  I was not about to burden my friend to make things easier for me. The satisfaction I had when I finished the trip knowing I had carried my own stuff all the way up and all the way back again was immense.

That’s not to take anything away from those that used porters.  These poorly paid porters rely on the income they get for helping others, so I’m all for this, providing you are thoughtful with what you ask them to carry, you treat them well and with respect at all times.  Oh, and you tip them well at the end of the trip.  Their wages are not enough and they have enabled you to do something you wouldn’t have been able to under your own efforts.

However, never use a horse.  The trail was not horse friendly and causing another living creature pain and discomfort to achieve what you want is an act of pure selfishness.  I you can’t walk the journey and desperately want to visit Everest, then save up a little more and take a helicopter.  Don’t take short cuts at others’ expense.

• No one owes you anything.

If you want something then go and get it.  Don’t wait for it to arrive in your lap.  But be respectful of others during your pursuit.  Try hard to understand the rules of the game your are participating in, try to understand the role played by others you will encounter whilst in the game.  

I sometimes see people that act as if they are entitled to special treatment of they should get something for free.  To act in that way, implies we believe our self worth to be higher than the people we are dealing with at that moment in time is just arrogance. I believe it is always wrong to demean another, it doesn’t matter what we do or what lofty position we hold at work or in society, if we do not give the respect to others we want for ourselves, we have a character flaw.

If you find yourself bargaining the price down for some goods, try to enjoy the game, the game of you both wanting the best possible price.  Don’t be influenced by the theatrics but understand they are there to make a living.  

If people are serving you food or drinks, or providing you with another service a simple smile and thank you often makes them feel good.  It will make you feel better too, a real win/win.

• Smile, it helps you and those around you.

Smiling makes us feel better, fact.  But why is this?  It releases neurotransmitters in the brain including dopamine, endorphins and serotonin.  These boost our immune system, calm our nervous system and also help fight against sadness, anger and depression.

During the trip, I would always smile to others I met, I actually make a point of doing this in everyday life anyway.  People will generally smile back, smiling is contagious.  Try it, when you next go out in public just smile at people, not a fake, rehearsed TV smile, but a happy acknowledgment of another.  As hard as it got, I could always afford a smile or a kind word, I met some amazing people as a result and continue to have contact with them.  I find other people’s stories fascinating.

There was a moment on the trip where I was suffering with altitude sickness and a wonderful and generous man, Chris Gallagher, gave me some altitude medication.  Another moment I was struggling with a blinding headache, two Australian guys that were heading in the opposite direction gave me some painkillers as I had run out.  These encounters started with a smile.

• Everyone has struggles, how can you help them?

The trip was the opportunity of a lifetime to see something magnificent, that said, it was also a very tough trek. As I said above I received help from what were strangers and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it.  A simple act of kindness goes a long way and is remembered.  More than that though, it can influence our behaviour.  

After the trip I went to a coffee shop and wanted to connect to their wifi, the password to connect was one of the best I have come across, payitforward.   We should do good things for others if we ever hope for others to do good things for us.  We generally reap what we sow in life, so what do we do for others when there is no expectation placed upon us?  That’s a question I think we all need to ask ourselves and if the answer is nothing or not much, I suggest a period of reflection on who we are and why, and then, who do we want to be.

Oh, and if you do a good deed, don’t post it on social media. That is so cringeworthy.

• Prepare thoroughly.

There is an old saying I was taught when I was a firefighter.  ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail’.  I believe this to be true in every walk of life.  This may be preparing a schedule, acquiring or maintaining equipment, body conditioning or general planning – the list is endless.  But the message is simple.  If we don’t attend to the correct preparation for a task then that task becomes inordinately harder and the chances of success are dramatically reduced.  It is utterly unrealistic to expect things to work out how we want them to if we just sit back and wait or watch.  The best results take planning and practice, and lots of it.

During this trip my Mum sent me a message worrying that I hadn’t prepared for my trip and what I was doing was dangerous.  I responded reassuring her that, despite my care free attitude I actually prepare thoroughly and I wasn’t in danger.  I realise that I give the impression of ‘just having a go at stuff’, but this isn’t true.  By the time I attempt to do something I will have prepared what I need to, after all, if I didn’t prepare I run the risk of failure and that will be a waste of time and money.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.

Nature has a way of providing exceptional beauty and risk in equal measure.  In order to experience this beauty we must take risks and work hard.  One point to remember is that, we cannot get rid of danger but we can learn to manage it.

• The strength you seek to achieve your goals lies within you.

At times when we set out to achieve a goal the journey we tread can appear endless and extraordinarily tough, I mean really tough and the easiest thing to do is give up.  That begs the question, why did we start this in the first place?  It takes strength of character to get up when you’re down, to carry on when others would give up, to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on when you experience failure.  Everyone must choose one of two pains:  The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.  Failure is there to teach us, it can provide valuable lessons but giving up too soon just leads to regret.

Many years ago I asked an experienced senior fire officer for a golden nugget of advice, I don’t know what I was expecting, something intellectual I think.  The nugget I received was, at first a little disappointing.  He told me, “Never take your eyes off the ball”.  I remember thinking, ‘is that it, is that all you could come up with after thirty plus years in the Fire Service’?  It actually turned out to be one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received.  It holds true in everything I do, work, physical pursuits, life goals, everything.  It also helped me to become more resilient and not to get discouraged just because things haven’t gone to plan.  By applying this advice I was able to maintain focus and achieve many things I set out to do.

On this trip, as in life, I often found that I wanted to give up but knew in my heart that I had to suck up the hard times.  I also knew that not giving in to this struggle was also part of my personal growth, making me stronger in both mind and body.  I learned that sometimes I should take small steps.  I learned that at times I just had to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it got, no matter how hard it was to breathe, or how painfully cold it was.  I learned to be patient, sometimes we have to experience the worst to get to the best.  Slow progress is still progress, after all, good things take time.

• Making mistakes is ok but never lose the lesson.

We should never be ashamed to own when we are in the wrong, this is one of the best ways we become wiser today than we were yesterday. The only real mistake is one from which we fail to learn.  The most important life lessons we will ever learn will be from the bad decisions we make.  We need to learn from our mistakes so that we do not run the risk of repeating them. We must develop the wisdom and sense to make good decisions and choices. Good judgment will only develop if we truly learn from our mistakes.  I heard somewhere that good judgement comes from experience, and experience, well that comes from bad judgement.

• Everything is temporary.

The end of the trip had a real sting in the tail.  I was tired, tired in my bones tired, and the final forty minutes were uphill and quite steep.  Halfway up I sat on a wall for a water break, and remembered how I felt when I didn’t want to continue, many times on this journey.  I reflected that the hard work is only temporary, I had to get my head down and carry on with the task in hand.  Then I remembered how I felt when I had climbed my first 5000 metre plus peak, I reflected on how I felt climbing Kala Patthar and getting the best view of Mt Everest possible.  I felt elated on both of these occasions and had quickly forgot all the hard work that got me there.  

This made me reflect about other difficult times in my life.  The thing is when we are experiencing our most difficult times we feel as if they will go on for ever, as if we are trapped in this darkness for an eternity.  But I got through them all, either through time doing its thing or me doing my thing.  But they were all temporary, as life itself is temporary.  

So I got up off my wall and walked the final uphill sections to my final destination.  One of the hardest and most reward things I have ever done.

What are our emotions telling us?
Positive emotions, i.e. those the make us feel good, are basically signals which are dopaminergic, they are an incentive reward, based upon our value system and tell us to move forward, they are pleasing to us, they make us happy and tell us to move forward and repeat the experience we have just had. If we do not have a value system then we will not experience positive emotions.

Negative emotions are the opposite, they are displeasing and tell us to go backwards and not to repeat the experience we have just had. They make us unhappy.

There is an emotional response to experience, which sits in-between those that are positive and those that are negative. It is a response to something that sits outside of our value system. These are intermediate emotions and they tell us to STOP. We are not where we think we are! These emotions tell us that we do not know what to do. It is these intermediate emotions that lead to anxiety. Anxiety is not knowing what to do.

Our idea of what is supposed to happen is just not producing the desired outcome we seek from our value system, experience or a set of experiences. Our brain is confused and needs to send signals to prepare the body. It is asking itself “what shall I do, shall I go forwards or backwards?”. But it does not have the answer. We don’t know. If we don’t know where to go, there is no point in going anywhere. Then what? Our brain sends signals to our body to prepare, but prepare for what? Well, prepare for anything – prepare for everything. This state is extremely demanding both psychologically and physiologically.

Imaging running your home’s heating or cooling system constantly, without a thermostat to switch it off, the environment becomes uncomfortable and the cost becomes too expensive. When anxiety kicks in, in a repeated and uncontrolled way, the environment is your mind and the cost is the long term impact on the body.

Our body is revved up and starts to burn our resources like crazy, it’s a very unpleasant state to be in. Your body is in a bio-mechanical state that is optimised for quick action but it is toxic if you are in it fo any length of time.

It isn’t that this state just makes us feel bad, it hurts us, it can damage us, it makes us age, it can make us fat which may lead to diabetes. It will suppress our immune system so we are more likely to develop illnesses. It will damage the hippocampus area of our brain, this may lead to an increased risk of Alzheimers.

Basically, anxiety has sped up the running of our machinery and is burning our resources faster than we are able to replenish them. It is not a state we can tolerate, nor is it a state we can live in. We are in a constant state of readiness, ready to fight, flee, freeze or respond. Which response should we choose. In short, we just don’t know.

What is the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response?
Anxiety can make a person imagine that things in their life are worse than they really are, and prevent them from confronting their fears. Often they will think they are going mad, or that some psychological imbalance is at the heart of their woes. What is important is the recognition that anxiety is normal and exists due to a set of bodily functions that have existed in us from our cave-man days.

Back then, we were equipped with an internal alarm system designed to protect us from the dangers surrounding us in the wild. This system would make us hyper-alert by giving us a boost of adrenaline that would increase the heart rate and boost the amount of oxygen going to our limbs so we were better able to fight or run from danger. This is known as the “fight or flight” response. The “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that many associate with anxiety is this mechanism kicking in, but instead of being used to avoid immediate danger, it is often wrongly and inappropriately activated in a person during normal, everyday situations when stress has built up, often unknowingly.

Like all animals, human beings have evolved ways to help us protect ourselves from danger. When we feel under threat our bodies react by releasing certain hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones:
• make us feel more alert, so we can act faster
• make our hearts beat faster, quickly sending blood to where it’s needed most.
After we feel the threat has passed, our bodies release other hormones to help our muscles relax. This can sometimes cause us to shake.
This is commonly called the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response – it’s something that happens automatically in our bodies, and we have no control over it.

One in six people in the past week experienced a common mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. It is also likely that individuals do not seek help for significant levels of anxiety, meaning many remain without diagnosis or treatment.

So, what exactly is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal, if unpleasant, part of life, and it can affect us all in different ways and at different times. Whereas stress is something that will come and go as the external factor causing it (be it a work, relationship or money problems, etc.) comes and goes, anxiety is something that can persist whether or not the cause is clear to the sufferer.

Anxiety is what we feel when we are worried, tense or afraid – particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Anxiety is a natural human response when we perceive that we are under threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.

“For me, anxiety feels as if everyone in the world is waiting for me to trip up, so that they can laugh at me. It makes me feel nervous and unsure whether the next step I take is the best way forward. Most people feel anxious at times. It’s particularly common to experience some anxiety while coping with stressful events or changes, especially if they could have a big impact on your life” (Anon).

Some people have a very identifiable cause for their anxiety; a traumatic incident, lots of stressors or have undergone a significant life event (moving house, getting divorced, having surgery). However, some people don’t have an identifiable cause for their anxiety and it causes them some distress. One way of thinking about your anxiety is to imagine your stress levels as being like a bucket of water. If we keep adding stressors to the bucket (even tiny ones like the school run or commuting to work), over time it fills up until one day it overflows. This can be a good way of looking at anxiety as it explains why sometimes it can seem to come out of the blue with no significant trigger. However, what has happened is that the trigger was just a very small stressor that tipped us over the edge and allowed our bucket to overflow. What we need is a leaky bucket with lots of holes in to reduce your overall stress levels.

What are the signs and symptoms?
For people with an anxiety disorder, feelings like stress, panic and worry are longer lasting, more extreme and far harder to control. Symptoms may also include feeling restless or agitated, panic attacks, having trouble concentrating or sleeping, sweating, shortness of breath, dizziness and heart palpitations.

People often experience physical, psychological and behavioural symptoms when they feel anxious or stressed.
Some of the most common physical symptoms of anxiety are:
Increased heart rate
Increased muscle tension
“Jelly legs”
Tingling in the hands and feet
Hyperventilation (over breathing)
Dizziness
Difficulty in breathing
Wanting to use the toilet more often
Feeling sick
Tight band across the chest area
Tension headaches
Hot flushes
Increased perspiration
Dry mouth
Shaking
Choking sensations
Palpitations

Some of the most common psychological symptoms (the thoughts or altered perceptions we have) of anxiety are:
Thinking that you may lose control and/or go “mad”
Thinking that you might die
Thinking that you may have a heart attack/be sick/faint/have a brain tumour
Feeling that people are looking at you and observing your anxiety
Feeling as though things are speeding up/slowing down
Feeling detached from your environment and the people in it
Feeling like wanting to run away/escape from the situation
Feeling on edge and alert to everything around you

The most common behavioural symptom (the things we do when we are anxious) is avoidance. Although avoiding an anxiety provoking situation produces immediate relief from the anxiety, it is only a short term solution. This means that whilst it may seem like avoiding is the best thing to do at the time, the anxiety often returns the next time that you face the situation and avoiding it will only psychologically reinforce the message that there is danger. The problem with avoidance is that you never get to find out whether your fear about the situation and what would happen is actually true.

Anxiety and problem solving
In order to resolve arguments effectively and without causing further damage, it is important to reduce the issue to the micro level. Ask yourself (or the person you are experiencing conflict with), “what is the minimum required by one or the other or both, to reach an appropriate and satisfactory solution”? Understand that anxiety often prevents this from happening. As we are in an anxious state we are also in an emotional state, this then may cause us to raise the heat to inferno level.

What are the causes of anxiety?
Feelings of anxiety can be caused by lots of things and vary according to what we’re worried about and how we act when we feel apprehensive. They depend on lots of things such as:
Our genes
How we were brought up
Our life experiences
The way we learn and cope with things.
Just knowing what makes us anxious and why can be the first steps to managing anxiety.

When is anxiety a mental health problem?
Anxiety can become a mental health problem if it impacts on our ability to live our life as fully as we want to. For example, it may be a problem for us if:
Our feelings of anxiety are very strong or last for a long time
Our fears or worries are out of proportion to the situation
We avoid situations that might cause us to feel anxious
Our worries feel very distressing or are hard to control
We regularly experience symptoms of anxiety, which could include panic attacks
We find it hard to go about our everyday life or do things you enjoy.

If our symptoms fit a particular set of medical criteria then we might be diagnosed with a particular anxiety disorder. But it’s also possible to experience problems with anxiety without having a specific diagnosis.

What are the types of anxiety disorders?
Anxiety is a key part of several different disorders. These include:
Panic disorder: experiencing recurring panic attacks at unexpected times. A person with panic disorder may live in fear of the next panic attack.

Phobia: excessive fear of a specific object, situation, or activity.

Social anxiety disorder: extreme fear of being judged by others in social situations.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder: recurring irrational thoughts that lead you to perform specific, repeated behaviours.

Separation anxiety disorder: fear of being away from home or loved ones.
illness anxiety disorder: anxiety about your health (formerly called hypochondria).

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): anxiety following a traumatic event.

So, how can we treat our anxiety?
Fear and anxiety can affect all of us every now and then. Most people get through passing moments of anxiety with no lasting effect. People experiencing anxiety in their everyday lives often find the personal resources to cope through simple remedies.

Helping ourselves
Talking it through; Although it can be difficult to open up about feeling anxious, it can be helpful to talk to friends, family or someone who has had a similar experience. Although we might feel embarrassed or afraid to discuss our feelings with others, sharing can be a way to cope with a problem and being listened to can help us feel supported.

Face your fear; By breaking the cycle of constantly avoiding situations that make us anxious, we are less likely to stop doing the things we want, or need, to do. The chances are the reality of the situation won’t be as bad as we expect, making us better equipped to manage, and reduce, our anxiety.

Know yourself; Make a note of when we feel anxious, what happens and the potential triggers. By acknowledging these and arming ourselves with tips to deal with these triggers, we will be better prepared in anxiety-inducing situations.

Relax; Learning relaxation techniques can help us calm feelings of anxiety. Practices like yoga, meditation or massage will relax our breathing and help us manage the way we feel about stressful experiences.

Exercise; Even small increases in physical activity levels can trigger brain chemicals that improve our mood, wellbeing and stress levels. This can act as a prevention and treatment for anxiety as well as lead to improved body-image, self-esteem and self-worth.

Healthy eating; Eat lots of fruit and vegetables and try to avoid too much sugar. Very sweet foods cause an initial sugar ‘rush,’ followed by a sharp dip in blood sugar levels which can give us anxious feelings. Caffeine can also increase anxiety levels so try to avoid drinking too much tea or coffee too.

Avoid alcohol or drink in moderation; It’s very common for people to drink alcohol when they feel nervous to numb their anxiety, however the effect that alcohol has on how we feel is only temporary. When it wears off we feel worse, potentially more anxious, and our brain will be less able to deal with anxiety naturally.

Faith / spirituality; If we are religious or spiritual, it can help us feel connected to something bigger than ourselves. It can provide a way of coping with everyday stress. Church and other faith groups can be a valuable support network.

Talking to someone
If we feel anxious all the time, for several weeks or if it feels like our anxiety is taking over your life, then it’s a good idea to ask for help.
Talking therapies: Counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) are very effective for people with anxiety problems, CBT helps people to understand the link between negative thoughts and mood and how altering their behaviour can enable them to manage anxiety and feel in control.
Mindfulness is a variation of CBT focusing on changing the relationship between the individual and their thoughts. Using meditation can help people be ‘mindful’ of their thoughts and break out of a pattern of negative thinking.

Guided self-help is usually based on CBT methods and aims to helps us understand the nature of our anxiety and equip us with the necessary skills to cope with it. This works by educating us to challenge unhelpful thinking, evaluate our symptoms and gradually expose ourselves to the source of our anxiety.

Medication is used to provide short-term help, rather than as a cure for anxiety problems. Drugs may be most useful when they are combined with other treatments or support, such as talking therapies.

Support groups are designed for us to learn a lot about managing anxiety from asking other people who have experienced it. Local support or self-help groups bring together people with similar experiences to share stories, tips and try out new ways of managing their worries. Our doctor, library or local citizens advice bureau will have details of support groups near us.

There are also lots of things we can do ourselves to help ease our anxiety. For example:
Assign times when we’re allowed to sit and worry. Some people find it helps to write their worries down or set a timer.

Try doing some deep breathing exercises to help you relax. The NHS website has some you can try out.

Some people also find relaxing exercises such as yoga or pilates can help.

Set realistic goals, then set incremental steps to achieve these goals.

You could also try to come up with a list of healthy ways to relax and do at least one a day, such as:
Going for a walk
Having a long bath
Watching a movie
Listening to music
Dancing
Having a bite to eat with a friend or partner
Volunteering
If you have panic attacks, try keeping a diary to help you spot situations that may trigger them.

 

Chris Enness
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