I read a really interesting quote today on social media.
“How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?”
This had me thinking not just about the quote but the person that posted it. I thought I would send it out to you all. Have a think about the quote itself, e mail me your thoughts and I will collate them, anonymously, and post the results.
kiff@no1truth.com
https://youtu.be/idV2vTytp9k
I was thinking about how better to balance my life the other day. I have long been an advocate of the Taoist theory/philosophy of Yin Yang. I first came across it when studying martial arts but back then I thought it was a cool symbol, although I thought i understood the basic principles. It wasn’t until I was studying psychology in 1997 that I really got to grips with the meaning of Yin Yang.
I started to strive for balance after reading about Yin Yang. It helped me to know that it isn’t about everything being in harmony or equal at all times. Back then, my life was shifting as fast as sand through an hourglass so achieving any sort of balance felt like a constant uphill struggle. But understanding Yin Yang helped me a lot and made me feel more comfortable during more stressful times as I understood that better times would come, I just needed to look for a way to let these better times in.
It taught me that just sitting back and letting events take their own path isn’t always the right thing to do. It taught me that life is trying to shape a garden, sometimes I needed to plant, nurture, change, weed or in some cases dig up and start again.
As I’ve grown older, I appreciate more the lessons of the ever changing ebb and flow of what balance is, from reading about Yin Yang. I thought I would share it with you. I hope in some way it helps you as much as it has me.
Is your life in balance? If not what do you intend to do about it?
Is my life in balance? Not always but I can feel when it isn’t and look for what I need to regain some sense of equilibrium.
What is the Yin Yang Theory?
Yin yang theory is a kind of logic, which views things in relation to its whole. The theory is based on two basic components: Yin and Yang, which are neither materials nor energy. They combine in a complementary manner and form a method for explaining relationships between objects.
The outer circle represents ‘everything’, while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called ‘Yin’ (black) and ‘Yang’ (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other. Whilst Yin would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak. Yang would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong. The shape of the Yin and Yang sections of the symbol, actually gives a sense of the continual movement of these two energies, Yin to Yang and Yang to Yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature changes from hot to cold.
The Origin of the Yin Yang Theory
The original concept of Yin and Yang came from the observation of nature and the environment. ‘Yin’ originally referred to the shady side of a slope while ‘Yang’ referred to the sunny side. Later, this thinking was used in understanding other things, which occurred in pairs and had complementary and opposing characteristics in nature.
Some examples include: sky and earth, day and night, water and fire, active and passive, male and female and so on. Working with these ideas, ancient people recognised nearly all things could have Yin and Yang properties. Yin and Yang can describe two relative aspects of the same phenomena such as the example of the slope, or they can describe two different objects like sky and earth.
Neither Yin nor Yang are absolute. Nothing is completely Yin or completely Yang. Each aspect contains the beginning point for the other aspect. For example: day becomes night and then night becomes day. Yin and Yang are interdependent upon each other so that the definition of one requires the definition for the other to be complete. Yin Yang is not static. The nature of Yin and Yang flows and changes with time.
There is much more to Yin Yang but this is I hope, a good starting point for you.
There isn’t any one thing, there are many but i would like to share a lesson I learnt with you and how it help me to re-frame my view on some of what makes me happy.
I love my hobbies, they are both relatively new to me. Yoga and Golf. I actually started yoga to help me play golf as I have had years of back pain, but more of that in another blog.
They don’t make me happy because I am good at them, I’m not. It’s about the pursuit of mastery. The pursuit of mastery is a key motivational behaviour, it has been said to give us purpose. I feel that I want to master both disciplines so I practice them. I’m not actually sure what mastering either would look or feel like, but I know practicing yoga or playing golf makes me feel happier.
But, if I’m not that good at either, why is this? Actually, sometimes either or both disciplines frustrate me tremendously. Strangely though, every time I drive to the golf course to play, I believe I will play well, not just play well but execute some amazing shots, amazing to me anyway. Mostly though, I don’t play well and the amazing shots probably happen once in every thousand.
When I drive to the yoga studio I believe that I will be better than last time and nail some poses (Asanas) that I find really difficult.
At 54 years old I realise that both of these beliefs are unlikely to happen or if they do they will do so fleetingly.
At a yoga class once we were practicing headstands and I just couldn’t get there, sometimes close but never completing the full headstand and feeling clumsy at it too. My teacher noticed me practicing with grim determination, gave me some teaching points but I still couldn’t do it. I kept trying hard, she smiled and moved the class onto other asanas.
After the class she came to me and said “Chris, you tried hard today, intact, you try hard everyday”. I was pleased that she had noticed my effort and replied, “Thank you, yes, I’m determined to get this”. “Get what?” she asked. “This yoga thingy’ I answered. This made her smile and laugh a little.
“I used to be just like you” she told me. “Did you? How long did it take you” I asked. “how long did what take me?” she asked back. “To nail yoga”.
Her response was, “you never nail it. It isn’t a destination, there isn’t an end point. It’s all about the journey. It’s all about your personal journey. To learn to enjoy your own journey you must learn to accept that there are some things you are good at or will get good at and there are some thing you will always struggle with or may never achieve. To find peace in your yoga practice you must learn to accept your struggle. When you accept your struggle you will enjoy your journey more”. At this point I wasn’t sure if she was still talking about yoga or delving deeper into the philosophy of life.
I finished rolling up my mat, smiled and thanked her for the tip and left. This got me thinking, but not too much as I had a game of golf later and needed to get ready for that.
When I play golf I hope to PAR every hole but if I did do this I know that I would want to do even better and birdy them. Obviously this is a fantasy as I’m lucky if I PAR three or four in a round. Sometime I play so bad that I do not PAR any. However, I do enjoy the shots I play well and try to learn from the shots that I execute badly. Why is that? If I’m not achieving what I want to. In either discipline.
I want to take you back to the pursuit of mastery. Here is where some science can help.
Dopamine is a pleasure hormone that is released when you strive towards a goal. Dopamine motivates you to work hard so that you can achieve the satisfaction of reaching that goal. It also keeps you mentally alert and helps you focus.
I also know that exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins are your body’s natural painkillers, most people are aware that exercise releases endorphins into the body.
In reading about the pursuit of mastery I learned that it isn’t the actual mastery of something that makes us feel good but the pursuit itself. When we feel good serotonin is released. Serotonin is the key hormone of happiness, since it regulates mood, prevents depression, thwarts irritation and makes you happy and sociable.
When I reflected on the conversation with my yoga teacher I realised that to be happier I should strive to be better, even If it’s a struggle. Find a way to enjoy my struggle and I will find a way to enjoy life more. After all, a struggle is a problem to solve and we all have problem solving abilities. Whether we use these abilities or not is our choice. I choose to set goals for myself. I don’t always achieve them but I do try. Goal setting for me is about accepting my struggles and trying to be better. In this example it is yoga and golf but I do set goals in most areas of my life nowadays.
Try some goal setting for your self.
Set daily or monthly goals, since they give you something to strive towards. I set exercise goals, since dopamine increases in tandem with serotonin and endorphins when I exercise. Setting goals will increase the production of dopamine even more.
Incidentally, I also like eating chocolate and drinking beer (two is about my limit though). I know the damage that over indulgence can do so I limit these, as too much of a good thing can be bad right? So it is with all my pursuits. I limit them, accept that life is a struggle, more for some than others, but it is through accepting life’s struggles that we can find ways of being happier.
https://youtu.be/2SPfF0JbFb8
