10 essential Tips for BMW owners
Never ever indicate, this is for lesser car drivers, and should know which way you intend to go. BMW only fit indicators to satisfy legal requirements such as MOTs. As a BMW driver no one expects you to indicate.
Try to take up two spaces when parking. This is particularly important during busier periods, it makes other shoppers smile and brings joy to the lives of other car drivers.
Ignore road signs, specifically those specifying who has right of way. Obviously it is your right of way, you’re in a Beama… Although this can become complicated when there is another BMW vying for the right of way. In these instances please give way to the hottest driver.
No eating or drinking in your vehicle. You have plush leather seats, they are there for others to admire and be jealous of. Your vehicle is not a cafe. You may of course stay hydrated as the driver, but you should be careful to point out to your passengers that ’they should have attended to this before you set off’.
If you must converse with people that are driving cars originating from Asia, please keep it brief as they will struggle to follow your intellect. It is a fact that you know more than them as you are indeed a BMW owner.
Press you horn whenever you feel like it, this is particularly useful in busy areas such as high streets. Doing so will make people look at your vehicle and this will bring much joy to their sad, dull existence.
You are exempt from the highway code; FACT.
Middle lanes on motorways are for BMWs, do not bother to go into the inside lane. These are often used by lesser vehicles and your car might catch something.
Single and double digit hand signals are compulsory to assist other road users in learning road craft.
When performing an overtaking manoeuvre it is essential that lower your electronically assisted window and do the wanker sign to the driver of the vehicle you have just passed. If it is cold or raining you may perform this task whilst level with the other car. Mouthing the words adds emphasis to this and assists the other driver in knowing who owns the road. Unbelievably some people forget!
